He smiled sadly at her and shook his head. “I guess so. I’ve always… I’ve always just been told to be strong and hold it in and don’t let anyone else see how vulnerable you are.” He frowned suddenly, jaw clenched in a sudden anger. “That’s what my dad taught me, anyway. After mum passed away.” Amos sighed heavily, so glad that she was there, that he could hold her hand, that she hadn’t disappeared. With her, he felt whole - he felt like a real person. Since he had started dating her, a smile never seemed to leave his face. Not even the short letters his father sent him every now and then could phase him completely. Lucy was a barrier against the dark thoughts that normally crept into his mind. She gave him a purpose past proving himself to his father and to his family. Past feeling guilty enough to do all of the things he was asked of. She gave him a purpose to actually live. Because how could he not when he was lucky enough to be with her? He was lucky enough to be in love.
Words were still hard to listen to, but he did his damnedest to concentrate and to listen. His mind was a mess of thoughts and memories and the present and it was difficult for him to listen to Lucy over the sound of his sister’s heavy, sickly breathing in the background. Over the sound of his father’s yelling. Over the sound of the priest at the funeral. Still, he tried. He tried so hard to listen. When he did focus, though, her words seemed to deafen out anything else. His eyebrows furrowed as he listened and disbelief must have been written across his face. How could she possibly determine all of that? How could she know? But she was right, in so many aspects… it wasn’t until his mother had died that his father began to act so drastically different. He became angry and neglectful. He began to look down as she spoke and tightened his jaw, feeling tears threaten once again. “It’s so hard to believe you…” He said it quietly, though he found himself starting to regain control over his breathing, again. He found that not working so much at her last words, however, and he couldn’t stop himself from crying. The things she said to him, those words hadn’t been said to him in years. No one had really believed in him until this very moment.
He didn’t know when he had moved, but Amos found himself burying his head against her neck. For some stupid reason, he couldn’t stop crying, and he didn’t know how to deal with it. So finally, finally, he let himself submit. He needed to let her hold him - to be with her. He needed her. “Thank you,” he mumbled against her skin, squeezing his eyes shut, “thank you.” He could only be silent against her, quiet tears streaming down his cheek, as she continued to speak. All he wanted to do was just listen to her voice, hear her, feel her against him, for hours. Forever, if he could. She was such a comfort, such a perfect being, and even in his state of panic, he had never been happier than in her arms. Slowly, he lifted his head and wiped his eyes and a somber smile played at his lips. Slowly, so slowly, he nodded at her words. “And I don’t want to do it alone, anymore, I don’t think…” When she started speaking, again, his next words caught in his throat. The next words that he had been wanting to say to her for so long and she took them write out of his mouth. He could only stare at her for moments, stunned into silence. She had said it, what he had been planning on saying to her for what felt like such a long time now. And his smile became a grin and he started laughing. A genuine laugh for what felt like the first time in so long. It was filled with relief and bliss and he cupped her face, bringing it close to his and pressing their lips together. The most satisfying kiss he’d ever had, because this was the first kiss he’d ever shared with another person that meant that he was in love - and so was she. He couldn’t find it in himself to pull away for a long time, smiling through it the whole way, until he finally broke the kiss and looked intensely into her eyes. Their faces were only a breath away from one another and he smiled, his eyes honestly tearing up, “Lucy Karoonda, I am so in love with you that sometimes it hurts. It happened so suddenly and I wanted to tell you for so long, and now…” He broke off his own words with another kiss. “I love you so much.”
Hearing Amos say how he was taught to repress his true feelings after his mother’s passing managed to only deepen Lucy’s sadness. She couldn’t even begin to imagine not being allowed to grieve, to rightfully be distraught about something and told to ‘suck it up’, in a sense. Losing a parent at a young age was a traumatic experience, one that Lucy had never personally experienced. But even though she had never gone through the specific pain that Amos had, and was, gone and going through, she knew that the pain was terrible, and the very face that Amos wasn’t allowed to grieve properly…”Well, I think it’s necessary to just sit there and cry sometimes. You can’t just keep repressing your feelings until everything explodes. If you need to cry, you cry…No one can tell you how to feel.” Amos shouldn’t have had the idea in his head that he couldn’t show his true emotions, to cry when he wanted to cry and just let it all out. And if he needed to let out all of his suppressed anger and frustration and sadness after potentially holding all of it in for years, well…Lucy would be with him every step of the way with her shoulder for him to cry on.
Which was precisely what Amos was doing. Lucy rested her head on top of his as she held him closer, not wanting him to feel embarrassed for crying or needing her in this way. It was some sort of comfort to Lucy that Amos was letting himself feel for once, and that he had realized that she wasn’t going anywhere; she wouldn’t leave him, not now, not ever. “You don’t have to thank me, Amos…I care about you, and I want you to be okay.” It was evident that Amos was still having difficulty listening to her, but that didn’t stop her in the least. Something, something had to get through to him, something that would help him realize that not everything was his fault and that he was a greater man than he thought he was. “I know that it’s hard for you to believe,” she said, nuzzling her head against his and holding him just a little bit together. “But assuming guilt in your mother’s death, or that your sister’s sickness has something to do with you is unnecessary weight on your shoulders…You’re a great man, Amos, and you’re going to do great things.” She laughed lightly, kissing him on the top of the head before pulling away to see him better. “And I’ll be there the entire time cheering you on.”
The words just sort of tumbled out before she could stop them, but once they were out there, Lucy instantly felt a rush of conflicted emotions. What if he didn’t feel the same way? Or what if he did love her but wanted to be the one who said those three special words first? Lucy hoped that Amos felt the same way; all she could do was hope that he did. Lucy had a tendency to fall hard and fast, but Amos was completely different. Somehow Amos had erased everything that she had known to be true about love and relationships, and completely rewrote love in her book. He had quickly become the most important person in the world to Lucy, and somehow, deep down, she knew that that would never change. Lucy awaited with baited breath for Amos to say something, anything, when Lucy saw one of the most beautiful sights of them all: his smile, accompanied by the comforting sound of his laugh.
A smile stretched across her entire face and let out a sigh of relief before Amos’s mouth was instantly on hers, her arms subconsciously wrapping around his neck to hold him closer. She had kissed plenty in her lifetime and Amos more than she could count, but none of her kisses had ever compared to this one. She was in love with him, he was in love with her, and that knowledge alone made everything one hundred times better. Lucy wanted to stop this exact moment and just make it last for the rest of her life. When Amos pulled away Lucy rested her forehead against his, her eyes shining with love and affection for the man before her as he said he loved her too, the words causing her heart to swell. ”I think I’m going to cry now,” she laughed, sniffling slightly as she fought back the happy watering at her eyes. One of her hands gently cupped his cheek as she grinned, giving his lips a quick peck before pulling away to look him in the eyes. “I love you too, and I know that that will never change, no matter what may happen. You mean so much to me, which is why seeing you like this is difficult and saddening. But just know that I love you for you, flaws and all. Nothing you say or do will ever change that, because I’ll always be here, every step of the way, with you. I love you, Amos Diggory,” she said with a happy laugh before pulling him in for another kiss, not wanting to let him go.
You’d think that people would have had enough of silly love songs, but I look around me and I see it isn’t so. Some people wanna fill the world with silly love songs and what’s wrong with that? I’d like to know, cause here I go again! I love you, I love you…
Taylor Swift at the American Music Awards
@taylorswift13: There’s a Christmas tree in my hotel room and I’m really happy about it.
I was enchanted to meet you.